When relationships get difficult, our first instinct is often to protect ourselves, prove our point, or pull away. Pastor Josh White shows us a better defense in Colossians 3:12-14. God calls His people to protect the unity of the church—not by attacking one another, but by bearing with one another, forgiving one another, and putting on love.
Josh uses football’s “prevent defense” as a picture of the way these commands work together. Patience meets frustration in the moment. Bearing with one another prepares us for the long haul. Forgiveness answers real wrongs with grace. Love keeps God’s goal in view through it all.
Bear With One Another
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another.”
— Colossians 3:12-13
Patience is not merely staying quiet until irritation passes. Bearing with someone means continuing to love and relate to that person while weaknesses, quirks, failures, and immaturity make the relationship difficult. It is a long-term commitment to give another believer room to grow.
That changes the question. Instead of asking, “How long do I have to tolerate this person?” we ask, “How can I become the kind of person who gives imperfect Christians room to grow?” We all need that grace from others because God is still changing every one of us.
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
— Ephesians 4:2-3
Forgive as Christ Forgave You
“If one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
— Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness does not pretend that sin never happened. It does not erase consequences, instantly restore trust, remove necessary boundaries, excuse abuse, or guarantee reconciliation. Forgiveness and reconciliation are related, but they are not identical. Reconciliation requires both people; forgiveness is the grace God commands us to give.
Josh gives a practical path forward: acknowledge the wrong, remember how Christ forgave you, give up personal vengeance, release the offense, and seek reconciliation when possible. Forgiveness says, “What happened was wrong, but I will not answer one wrong with another. I will entrust justice to God and respond with grace.”
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”
— Romans 12:19
Love Binds Everything Together
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
— Colossians 3:14
God is building His people into a spiritual family that can carry the gospel into the world. Unity is not the goal because peace is easier or conflict is uncomfortable. Unity matters because a church marked by grace shows that the gospel really changes people.
When patience breaks down, bear with one another. When someone truly sins against you, forgive. When you are unsure how to respond, pour God’s grace over the situation. That is not weakness. It is choosing God’s goal over selfishness and doing for others what God has already done for us in Christ.
So What?
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
— Romans 12:18
Think of one relationship where frustration has become avoidance, resentment, or a mental record of wrongs. Ask God for the humility to take the next faithful step. Maybe that means patience in the moment. Maybe it means giving someone room to mature. Maybe it means releasing vengeance and beginning the hard work of forgiveness.
Pastor Josh White reminds us that these commands are not meant to condemn us. They are given for our freedom, growth, and maturity. Trust God’s wisdom, depend on His power, and put His Word into practice.
Scripture References
- Colossians 3:12-14 — Bear with one another, forgive, and put on love
- Ephesians 4:2-3 — Maintain the unity of the Spirit
- Ephesians 4:15-16 — The body grows and builds itself up in love
- Romans 12:9-21 — Live peaceably and overcome evil with good
- 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4 — Steadfastness while bearing affliction
- 2 Peter 1:3-4 — Participate in the divine nature