On this Thanksgiving weekend, Pastor Brent Kemper brought us the final message in our core values series — a message that challenged us to think honestly about the kind of relationships we’re building at Grace Bible Church. It’s easy to feel good about the relationships we already have. It’s harder to ask whether we’re building the kind of healthy, Christ-centered relationships God actually calls us to.
What We Mean by “Healthy Relationships”
Before diving in, Josh made sure we were all working from the same definition. At GBC, healthy relationships aren’t just about getting along or enjoying each other’s company. Our stated aim is bigger than that:
“We seek to build relationships with one another by reflecting the love of Jesus showed to us and peacefully pursuing the unity of the spirit.”
— John 13:34; Ephesians 4:1-3
That’s a high bar. It’s not just having relationships — it’s building them on the foundation of Christ’s love for us and actively pursuing unity with other believers, even when that’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.
The Trap: Seeking the Easy Path
Josh was honest: this is the hardest value in the series. Why? Because we naturally gravitate toward people who are like us. We find the relationships that require the least effort, and we settle there. It feels natural. It feels fine.
But then you walk through the doors of church on a Sunday morning. Who do you sit near? Who do you naturally gravitate toward? Josh put it bluntly — if we only engage with the people who are easiest to get along with, who think like us and like what we like, our church starts to look a lot like a high school. The smart kids over here. The athletes over there. The theater people in the corner. And everyone else? Left to fend for themselves.
“I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.”
— 1 Corinthians 1:10
Paul wrote those words to a church that had fractured into competing factions — some saying “I follow Paul,” others “I follow Apollos,” others “I follow Cephas.” Sound familiar? The problem isn’t having different personalities or interests. The problem is when those natural divisions become the walls that keep people out.
The Example: Jesus’s Humility on Display
So what does it look like to reflect Jesus’s love in our relationships? Philippians 2 gives us the picture:
“[Christ], though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — even death on a cross.”
— Philippians 2:6-8
Jesus had every right to hold onto his position and privilege. Instead, he poured himself out for us. That’s the mindset we’re called to — not because we’re worth less than others, but because we love them enough to meet their needs before our own comfort.
And the motivation for all of this? First John 4 makes it clear:
“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
— 1 John 4:9-10
God loved us first. We respond in love. And that love is supposed to mark us — visibly, unmistakably — as his people.
The Challenge: Open the Circle
Josh closed with a challenge that required some honest self-examination. He held up a box — a U-Haul box — and said this represents the weight of relationship. Every person in your life is a box you’re holding. You have a limited capacity. At some point, if your box is already full, you can’t take on another relationship without dropping something.
His question wasn’t “Should you drop your existing friends?” It was: “Are you willing to have a posture that makes room for new people — even when it’s inconvenient?”
That might mean being the person who introduces yourself to the newcomer sitting alone. It might mean deliberately inviting someone into your circle who doesn’t already fit neatly into it. It might mean accepting that your existing relationships will change as you open your arms wider.
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
— 1 John 4:11
So What?
Healthy relationships aren’t automatic. They don’t just happen because we show up on Sunday mornings. They require intention, humility, and a willingness to be inconvenienced for the sake of someone else — exactly as Christ was inconvenienced for us.
The question Pastor Josh left us with is simple and convicting: Who owns your relationships? Are you willing to open your circle, trust that the God who called you will use this awkward, uncomfortable, Kingdom-building work — and step out in faith?
Scripture References
- John 13:34-35 — A new commandment: love one another as Christ loved
- Ephesians 4:1-3 — Walk in unity, keeping the bond of peace
- 1 Corinthians 1:10-12 — United in the same mind, no divisions
- Philippians 2:6-8 — Christ’s humility and sacrificial love
- 1 John 4:9-11 — God’s love demonstrated in Christ, call to love one another